Aug. 22nd, 2008 09:48 am:
This is how the story ends

The courtesan will choose the penniless sitar player over the maharajah, who is offering a lifetime of security. Why? Because she doesn't love  me  him. She doesn't love him...

DUKE
Why would the courtesan choose a penniless sitar player over the maharajah, who is offering a lifetime of security. That’s real love.

[CHRISTIAN watches the DUKE, unsettled.]

DUKE
Once the sitar player has satisfied his lust, he will leave the courtesan with nothing. I suggest that in the end, the courtesan choose the maharajah.

[TOULOUSE steps forward.]

TOULOUSE
But, b-but sorry.

[ALL look at TOULOUSE.]

TOULOUSE
Sorry, but that ending does not uphold the bohemian ideals of, of truth, beauty, freedom...

DUKE
I don’t care about your ridiculous dogma! Why shouldn’t the courtesan choose the maharajah!

[CHRISTIAN can’t contain himself any longer. He yells.]

CHRISTIAN
Because she doesn’t love you!

[Stunned silence. CHRISTIAN attempts to cover for his outburst.]

CHRISTIAN
H-him. H-him. Sh-she doesn’t love h— she doesn’t love him.


So I've been fighting depression the last week or so, manifested mostly in negative thoughts, sleeplessness, and headaches. Well technically its the same migraine I've had for the past 4 days, its just broken up by when the meds wear off and when I take more. I'm sure its all stress related, not that there's anything to stress about, what with finals, a potential hurricane, my situation with Kristi, getting the house ready for my dad's big birthday party, my dad's big birthday (50), being constantly lonely, my review at work being due today, making sure I don't lose track of friends or family (which I know I have), and still trying to be everything to everyone. Probably doesn't help that I've gone out drinking almost every night this week. But that did let me meet Carissa, Ashley, Mandi, and Tiffany.

On Tuesday night's final, I was so bummed and had such a bad headache that after completing the question part of the exam, I stared blankly at the lab portion of it and then was like *shrug* eh, and didn't even attempt it. Didn't care how the 70% would effect my grade, I was just so over it (seem to be saying that alot lately "I'm so over this/it."). Luckily for me, a 90.5% in the class is still an A.

The escapist in me is looking to run again. I've been here over a year and I'm over it. I'm already looking at ways to get back to California. I'm thinking that I'll stick here for another 2 years and finish my Bachelor's (mostly because I love my job and want to get a few years here under my belt). But then maybe... I don't know, go to UC Berkeley's School of Information (which they affectionately refer to as iSchool) to get my Master's in Information Management and Systems. It'll look nice framed next to my Bachelor's in Information Security Systems (lots of info and lots of systems). I've always considered myself a "trafficker of information," now I'll have the paperwork to prove it.
Information wants to be free. Information also wants to be expensive.
—Stewart Brand, fall of 1984 in a discussionn session at the first Hackers' Conference
Information doesn't want to be free. It wants to be liberated, and expensive! Plus, it will also be a perfect  excuse  reason to move to the Bay area.

It's a shitty feeling, the possibility that I've already met my soulmate and fucked that up. It's hard to keep hoping. Sometimes I think that I don't even know if I want to keep hoping. But inside I know I do. It's been over a year since we've been romantically involved and months since we've seen eachother. What if we get back together and find that we're just too different now. I just don't know anymore. Whatever. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Feeling: [mood icon] down | Listening to: coworkers typing

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