brandon_scott (brandon_scott) wrote,

Birthday Wishes

They say that the wish you make when you blow out your candles won't come true if you say what it was. Well this one won't anyways so here goes.

I wish things were different. I wish I was normal. I wish that I didn't have to take mood-stabalizing or anti-psychotic medications. I wish that I had made different choices somewhere at sometime long ago that wouldn't have led me to here. I wish that some people could look past the mistakes and see the good in another person.

I wish I had a bestfriend that lived down the street that I could see all the time and talk to all the time and share my life experiences with. I wish I could commit to something and complete it.

I wish that some of my closest friends weren't users, because even though I know them for the good, supporting friends and people that they are; my friendships with them will always be tainted by the opinions of my family.

I wish that my family could trust me. I wish that my parents could sleep soundly while I'm out, not staying up all night worrying if I'm going to relapse. I wish... I wish I wasn't a recovering addict. I wish that I could control my impulses. I wish that I could take back those actions which brought tears to my brother's eyes. I wish that I could take back so much. So much pain. So much hurt.

I wish that I could forgive myself.

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