brandon_scott (brandon_scott) wrote,

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Fuck Irony

My brother is deathly ill. He has idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura (or just ITP). It's not super rare, but there's no documented cases of it in Justin's age group. Usually its found in elderly people as their bodies get old. It has also been found in infants as a genetic disorder. They already tested him for the genetic part, nothing (which may or may not put me in the clear).
ITP is the condition of having a low platelet count of no known cause.
I find it highly ironic that a few years ago I tried to take my life and now my brother fights for his. He curls up in the fetal position and cries uncontrollably like I used to. I know that feeling. He's off his meds because the doctors worry about how they may interact with the treatments they're giving him for ITP. Bone marrow biopsy to test for lymphoma and leukemia (both negative luckily). Experimental chemotherapy. These I don't know, can't know. What its like to be awake as someone drills into the bone of your leg and removes a piece of you. They're doing everything they can to not have to remove his spleen. Life expectancy after Laparoscopic Splenectomy is maximum 30 years. Don't tell a 20-some that they're only going to live to 50-some. My mom's 50, it's not that old, not that far away. I just don't know. Don't know what to think or feel or do. I don't know enough about this. Nothing is ever enough. Am I religious? Am I angry at God? Where is House, M.D. with his knowledge and humor and life-saving-ness? Humor, its how I cope. I have to go now, I have 6 chapters waiting for me to read and a paper waiting for me to write. I think I'm going to fly out and see him first part of April. Yeah, that will make us both feel better.

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