Mar. 30th, 2008 08:18 pm:

My brother's back in the hospital. His platelet count dropped again. He has a fever and his lymph nodes are swollen. They've stopped the chemo temporarily. They're still not sure what's causing all of this and are thus having a difficult time deciding the next course of action.

My mom's flying out there tomorrow. I just want to hug him. Thursday can't come soon enough. I've done the homework for both classes, studied for the exam, and did the research for that paper. Now all I need to do is actually write it. I'll do that tomorrow between job interview and class (its not due till Tues). Right now I just want to sleep.

I haven't been sleeping well the last couple of days. And whenever I go to eat I take two bites and feel full or I get a stomach ache. I've decided that even though crying doesn't accomplish anything, sometimes it just feels good. I've also been turning to the bottle a lot lately. I need to watch that and keep it in check. Fighting the feeling of hopelessness. Fighting depression.

Inside my heart is breaking,
My makeup may be flaking,
But my smile still stays on.

I'll top the bill.
I'll earn the kill.
I have to find the will to carry
On with the
On with the
On with the show!

On with the SHOW!
On with the SHOW!

The show must
The show must go on!
I will rock that interview tomorrow.

Feeling: [mood icon] depressed | Listening to: Moulin Rouge playing over my shoulder

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